2011

I mostly ignored this blog in 2010. Sometimes it was the elephant in the room. Mostly, however, it simply didn't cross my mind. At all. I had a lot on my plate, both because of job searching and then starting a new career, and because of other, very fundamental, changes in my life. And I found myself not writing.

Sometimes I tried to write. I began a few posts, then got completely frustrated or disgusted or bored, and deleted each one. The posts were trite, the posts overshared, the posts were pointless.

For the past few weeks, I've missed it. I've missed writing itself, or participating in the blogging world, or maybe just the navel-gazing that blogging often allowed me to do.

So. It's a new year. For about six seconds, I considered launching a new blog. But that seemed grandiose. A more reasonable thought is just putting up a new post. So, now that I've addressed my long absence, I guess I need to address a few more things. Because of my new career, I'm going to be more circumspect in my posting. Before my new job started, I took down a lot of posts. Since this blog isn't anonymous, I don't have the luxury of posting whatever I think. Because I like being employed, and I like my current job. Also, my kids are old enough that they have a vote, and they prefer to not be the topic of my blog. Or be mentioned at all. And I think that's reasonable.

Which makes the whole thing funny, when you think about it. This blog's address is "anotherworkingmom.blogspot.com", and I won't be writing much about work or my kids. Let's enjoy the irony together for a moment.

Did you hear the crickets chirping? Or was that my imagination?

Okay, I think that actually explains my long hiatus better than the first few paragraphs. Without those two topics - the two topics that were the original inspiration for this blog to begin with - I'm left to write about, well, um. I don't really know. I won't be writing about my cats and dogs, and I don't cook or garden or craft enough to write about that.

I'm going to leave it to the readers, since I don't really have a clue. What should I write about?

By popular demand

Huh

Interesting.

The feedback (which, yes, I requested) from my last post gave me plenty to consider. But the message I got from the female member of the couple in question (which I just read today) is also interesting. I'd characterize it as receptive.

Which is interesting.

But, anonymous commenter, no, I won't send you a picture of my boobs. Maybe if you try hard enough you can find a drawing of them from my art school modeling days. I still regret that I never asked any of the students for a copy of a drawing. Because some of them were good.

In other news, Craig and I were supposed to have a date night tonight. Damn those kids and their sick sickness. Not only did sleepover hosts #1 have to cancel because of kid illness, hosts #2 also canceled. And really, we would have been in the wrong to have sent our kids to spend the night with anyone anyway, since they were full of pestilence too. Thank goodness for the buy one, get one free on Walgreen's cough and cold medicine. We may go through a whole bottle before Tuesday. Score one for the drug store, zero for the disco.

And we were even on the V.I.P. list. (Which impressed the crap out of our kids, who really couldn't imagine us at a disco.)

In lieu of a real post

Here's a meme (or something like it) that I shamelessly lifted from Hola, Isabel. And, without further ado, six lies and two truths about me:

1. I modeled nude, for money, during my second pregnancy. I earned about $200. For sleeping.

2. Even though I've lived out of the country and traveled pretty extensively during my childhood, I haven't left the United States since a year before I got married.

3. I've never voted for a winning candidate, whether in a major or local election. Turns out, I'm just not in the mainstream. Period.

4. Until I started dating the man who later became my husband, I was a rabid college football fan, and even missed dinner in the college refectory if a game went into overtime.

5. I dye my hair so frequently that I honestly have no idea what my natural color is. Or if I have any grey hairs.

6. I'm unreasonably afraid of tornadoes.

7. I won't eat organ meat. Of any kind. It's gross.

8. I've tried, but never succeeded, at giving blood. One time I was denied because I was under the required weight (110 lbs.) and once because I still had the sniffles. As a result, I force my husband (definitely more than 110 lbs.) to give blood since I never can.

So, if you think you know the truth, comment. I'm missing the comments. Please?

Housekeeping

I realize that I've been quite absent of late, and I apologize. Apparently the deviation from my routine that was my past three weeks had blog-related repercussions. I'll try to do better.


I also realize that, in being a bit circumspect, I've confused a few of you. In the interest of being less confusing, I'll give a bit more information about my professional life than I usually do. (And, in all honesty, I'll likely delete this entry quickly, as I don't want it to haunt me later.)


I work for a children's hospital. It's a very prestigious place to work, and I have no interest or intention of ever leaving, barring retirement. I live ridiculously close to this place (I can see the hospital from all the rooms on the second floor of my house) and love everything about it.


Until December, my job was a little bit more interesting than an administrative assistant. When I was hired, the job was newly-created, and I did a lot with it that had not been imagined. My first boss did not utilize my skills terrifically well, but my second boss immediately saw that I was being horrendously underutilized and spent several months trying to find a new place for me. A place that made more money and had a true impact on our department.


So, in undergoing barista training, I've crossed a hurdle toward my new job. (The new job has been titled, described, and pay-classed already...retroactive to the day I began said training.) BUT...that doesn't mean that my job is barista. In fact, I anticipate that the number of coffees I'll make in a typical week will be closer to five than a hundred.


For those of you keeping score: I have not changed employers, nor departments. My work phone number has not changed. My title, pay grade, and number of direct reports have changed.


The direct reports? That's the most interesting part. And I won't go there on my blog. Because those are people who have their own lives and did not ask, nor consent, to have their careers discussed on the Intarwebs. But yes, I have direct reports, and yes, their lives are fixin' to change.


Because basically? I'm a fixer. We have a broken thing in my department, and I'm going to fix it.


But I also want to tell you about the marvelous people I spent the last two weeks with, in Birmingham. I attended training with them, only because they were kind enough to let me crash their party. They were 100% welcoming, 100% kind, and 100% hard to leave. I may have even slipped one or two or five of them a business card and told them to call me if they ever wanted to move to Memphis.

And then, when it was time for me to drive home? They gave me presents and a card and one of them even gave me a company-specific recognition thing that really, really melted my heart.

Those ladies, folks, are fantastic. The store they're opening will be awesome. I wish I could be there for their grand opening tomorrow, because YES, it will be GRAND.

So, yes, new job. No, new employer. Yes, more money and responsibility. Yes, direct reports.

And, yes, a little nervous about Tuesday. And more than a little happy that tomorrow is a holiday.

NaBloPoMo: A Triumph

Well, maybe a little melodramatic. Triumph? Okay, fine. Success.

In other news, I dragged myself and my daughter to see a documentary last night. I was a little stunned at the tiny, tiny crowd (when we sat down, we doubled the audience, but a few others straggled in, making an audience of about ten, including the panelists for the discussion afterward.

The film was short, about 30 minutes, consisting of adolescent and pre-adolescent girls talking about the media. It was filmed in 2000, so some of the pop-culture references are a little dated (back then, Britney Spears was still considered a role model - the daughter and I just giggled and giggled over that one), but most of the content carried more general themes, some of which I could remember experiencing at that age. The gist of it being that the media creates some physical expectations of what girls are supposed to look like, and it's impossible to look like that, and that catch-22 sacrifices some self-esteem in these girls.

Susie was interested and engaged during the movie, and vigorously nodded when I asked her if the girls in her Girl Scout troop would be interested in watching it sometime. I, however, was more engaged in the panel discussion afterward. I haven't flexed my feminist theory muscles many times in the past few years, and it was nice to be in a room with feminists who engage in such discussion frequently. I heard my voice saying phrases like "dominant paradigm" and I was a little stunned.

Even more stunned when the two panelists approached me after the discussion and asked for my contact information so we could continue the conversation and some of it was applicable in their research and I think I might have glazed over at this point because of the sheer happiness.

I had found my people.

I didn't know how much I had missed them.

So ladies, please, hurry up and call me. I need you in my life.

And that, my friends, is my final post for November. I have posted every day. I have bored myself, and probably you, occasionally, but I've also dug inside and found a few bits of gold. Thank you for the comments and the emails and the awesomeness. While I started out writing this for me, I've found myself thinking of you more and more as I write. I know some of you in person, even more of you online, and it's awfully gratifying to see loyal readers stopping by to see what this dorky girl is up to.

I do not promise daily posts in December, but I do expect to continue writing most weekdays.

Peace out, and bring on the holiday decorations!

Halfway done!

It's November 15! That means these orgies of writing known as NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo are half over! Exclamation point!


But now comes the time when I take yet another opportunity to ask you, my lovely readers, to help me make life decisions. I've got a few quandaries right now and I'm nowhere near the decision stage. And I need to hurry up. Or toss a coin. But y'all are so much prettier than even the shiniest Tennessee quarter. So HALP!


1. The singing thing. I didn't sing the September concert because I was working extreme hours at work. And then I decided to NaNo and NaBlo and train for a 5K, so I decided not to sing the holiday concert. My in-box started getting some rather flattering emails that I think were more about the group needing alto singers than my fantastic voice. And I hedged and said I'd think about it. It's been a week and I'm no closer to a decision. Should I go to the rehearsal on Tuesday and hope I can learn the music in time for the concert (Saturday, December 8)? Or should I be firm in my decision to sit out? (I do love me some holiday music...I'm torn...) I really need to let them know this week.

2. The hair. Should I keep on growing my bangs or should I cut them?

3. What should I wear tomorrow?

4. Is November 21 too early to hang up Christmas lights on the house?

5. What should I bring to Thanksgiving dinner with friends? Did I mention that the husband in this couple is a former chef? And that makes me a little nervous? Should I make pecan pie, even though it will eventually kill us all with its sugary, buttery goodness?

Thanks, everyone. Please number your answers in the comments so I know which question you're answering.

NaNoWriMo = Fail?

If you've been paying attention to the tally in my sidebar, you may have noticed that my NaNo word count has not changed in almost a week.

I've forgiven myself, given my insane work week last week, and I'm strategizing now how I can still complete my goal of 50,000 words by November 30.

I'm 10% complete and the month is 40% gone. That's a little daunting.

I've also learned that I tend to get blocked, bored, restless, distracted, pick a few more similar adjectives, after I've written about 750 words. Which makes me a good essayist, but not so much a novelist. At least not so much a good sprint novelist.

But there are so many good reasons to keep at it. This project has been floating in my head for more than a decade. I've got so much wonderful primary source material that it should be easy. Of course, I decided to go in a much more difficult direction with the material, and this road has taken me on a much more research-intensive detour, but I've already admitted that the research is what I really enjoy most, anyway.

All this means that I've cleared my (and my family's) schedule for next Saturday. We're taking a road trip to Port Gibson, Mississippi, to look at a cemetery and to check out the scenery. It makes sense, I think, to have a look around the place where at least a large chunk of the book is set. Right? Plus, I'd like to take pictures of my late cousin-however-many-times-removed's grave. Since he, and his death due to a rather nasty wound in the Battle of Port Gibson, sets the whole story in motion.

The problem is, in all these family letters, this particular guy (who died at 22) is barely mentioned. I have letters and letters and letters from and mentioning his older brother, who was not killed in the war. That brother was eight years older, and seemed to be an outgoing, charming, and witty guy. My main guy's younger brother was much younger (I'm too lazy to walk across the room and look, but I think it's another 8 years or so), and his letters are not as well written (which makes sense, in a historical way, because he lived on the "frontier" his entire childhood, while the others lived in Virginia, so his education was considerably less than his elder siblings and cousins). (Which, when you think about it, must have been very difficult for him, to be around all these older people who seemed so much smarter and cooler.)

As a result of the lack of mention of this Isaac, I'm free to make him whatever I want. But that's a mixed blessing. I've given myself a task that kind of makes my head hurt. See, my mother and her cousin (who share the same last name but so little DNA that they're only barely related) have done a great deal of work on their family tree. This side of my lineage is very well-researched. (And my mom's cousin is a direct descendant of the older brother, the one who lived. So I feel a sense of responsibility to his character; I don't want to paint him in an unflattering light.) (Neurotic much?)

Which means I really don't want to make stuff up.

But that's what writing fiction is all about.

See my problem?

My mom and I had a good conversation about all these people and I asked a few key questions. Her answers, fortunately, confirmed what I was thinking about Isaac. He's younger than this cool group of cousins, almost a decade younger. His letters home from the war are well-written, so he wasn't dumb. But his letters are serious, guarded. He doesn't share anything, but accurately (I assume) describes where he is, who is with him, and what's happening. I don't get any sense of how he feels about the war and his part in it (he fought on the Confederate side, a whole other tangle that is messing with my head more than I should let it). And in the letter written by my main character, the woman who nursed him in a makeshift hospital where he died of his wound six weeks after the battle, the letter to his mother informing her of her son's death, the nurse reports his last words included mention of his uncle and someone named Sarah.

He had an uncle who was a General (I think, again, too lazy to cross the room) for the Union army. How interesting would it be if that was the uncle he mentioned.

And Sarah?

A girlfriend?

A cousin?

This is where you, dear readers, get to help write my book.

Who is Sarah?

Tagged!

I was tagged by the my IRL friend, Noodle, for this meme. Here are the rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random and some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of post and list their names.
4. Let them know they were tagged by a comment on their blog.

1. I've worn pink every day this month in support of breast cancer awareness. And later this month, when I participate in Race for the Cure, I'll have a pink streak in my hair. I'm fortunate to have supportive people in my life who bring pink clothes for me to borrow (since my own clothes are starting to get boring).

2. I don't have a favorite, or least favorite food. Whenever I see questions about that in surveys, quizzes, or memes, I'm completely baffled. I like carrot cake a lot, but I also like bacon and cheeseburgers and Caprese salads and bagels and sushi. There are plenty of foods I don't prefer, but I can't think of any foods that I truly hate.

3. My hair has never been longer than a bit past my shoulders. Even as a kid, I couldn't stand how long it took to grow my hair. I'm growing it now and it's almost to my shoulders. I don't know how much longer it will get before I give up, but I'm being strong right now.

4. I enjoy pulling weeds out of my lawn but not out of my vegetable garden. I used my parental authority to make the kids weed the vegetable garden. The kids have younger backs.

5. I love to bake bread. And very likely will do so this evening. We have leftover vegetables which would be lovely in soup, and nothing goes with soup like homemade bread. I used to have a bread machine, but there was this time after Susie was born that I made a loaf of bread in it and completely forgot for, um, a month? Maybe more? I threw that joker away and really don't miss it. It was so much more difficult to clean and the bread always stuck to the pan.

6. Many commercial perfumes make me ill. Unfortunately I have a co-worker who doesn't seem to remember this, even though I've emailed her about it and even talked to her supervisor about it. I've actually had to leave work because of an allergic reaction to perfume twice in my life: once from this person's perfume and once from a customer at the bank. I didn't have any allergies when I was a kid. If I want to wear a fragrance now, I choose food-based essential oils like bergamot or vanilla. This filters down to my cleaning product choices, too. I alternate between making my own general cleaning spray (mostly water, with a little vinegar, a little dish soap, and a few drops of tea tree oil and geranium oil) or using "natural" products for cleaning, with the exception of plain old bleach. Nothing smells cleaner to me than freshly bleached sheets. Not a lot of bleach, but a little. (Which is probably why I like hotel sheets. The bleach makes them smell so clean!)

7. I do my best cleaning when I'm on the telephone or angry. If my kitchen stove is gleaming, you can bet that I was recently (a) arguing with my spouse, or (b) talking on the phone with my best friend or my mom. If I'm on the phone in the house for any length of time, I'll wind up spot-cleaning in the kitchen. I can't help it.

So, there you have it. Seven random facts.

And now for the tagging:
1. Kalisah at I am not my hair
2. Stacey at Fertile Ground
3. Hot Librarian
4. Kristabella
5. Kelly O at O for Obsessive
6. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
7. My brother-in-law

Delurking

In case you hadn't noticed, today has been declared a delurking day. Which means you need to leave a comment. Stat.

The background on how this new holiday came to be is simple. Several bloggers were dismayed to notice that their entries were getting fewer and fewer comments. Where was the love?

My theory (because it's true in my case) is that feed readers are to blame. It's easy to go to Google Reader and read all your blogs. I have to really have something to say to click to the actual site and leave a comment. Because all that clicking? Is work.

But today? Today is a crosstraining day on my 5K training schedule. And all that clicking definitely counts, right?

So get your exercise and click the "leave a comment" link and then type words. Because that will burn calories.

And, just because I love you, I'll be teaching you a couple of wonderful recipes on my other blog this week. Making bread and my family's favorite soup. Just because it's almost 90 degrees outside doesn't mean I can't pretend it's really fall.

Countown commencing

NaBloPoMo is almost upon us. Committing to that means I will write a blog post every day in the month of November. Even if I have nothing interesting to say.

And I'm about to start training for a 5K.

If I commit those two things to writing, I have to follow through.

However, I think it would be way too easy to just turn my blog into a training journal, telling the internets exactly what I did for my workout. And that would be really boring, even to my trainer.

So I need your help, faithful readers. Please, in the comments or via email, please send in topics you'd like me to write about in November. I'll tell you upfront that I will not write about my sex life, past or present. Because the only person who needs to know already knows. And doesn't read my blog anyway. But pretty much anything else is open. So...get to it readers! Bring on the ideas!

I Rock!

Or at least that's what my IRL friend says. Which is why I am the lucky recipient of this award.

The rules suggest that I am meant to pass on the love to other bloggers. Easy enough, right?

So I'm going to share some love with some local bloggers today.

At Home She Feels Like A Tourist is a great blog, written by a new resident of Memphis. Her viewpoint is so different from most people I know, because she's new here. Good stuff.

In a similar vein, A Field Guide to Urban Memphis provides good, thinky stuff for the locals.

Stacey writes two blogs...wonder if I can count that for two awards? She rocks in real life too, as she's a genuine Roller Derby girl.

Liz rocks. We met in person in Chicago but have been online drinking buddies for a while.

And my friend Melissa rocks, but she's a little worried right now. If you've got any wisdom for her upcoming situation, please send it her way.

See? Memphis rocks! And that's just the girls. And not even all of them.

What every girl should know

I spent part of Saturday morning imparting some wisdom to my daughter. I was in the mood for one of those "big talks", and she's at the right age for such talks, but she quickly informed me that the sexuality education she's taken at church has left her with no questions or concerns. Yay church, but boo! Because I kind of feel like I missed out on a good one.

So instead we did the monthly internet safety refresher. She already knows the rules and can recite them to me, but I still insist on talking about it every month.

But I realized that it wasn't enough to have that talk. I want to have these deep discussions with my daughter, to teach her the secrets of womanhood, at least as I understand it. Which means I need to figure out what those secrets are. So bear with me as I attempt to clarify my thoughts.

1. Every girl should have at least one gay guy friend. And more than one is even better. And if one of them manages a Victoria's Secret store, even better. (Free bras, ladies. Free bras.) (Yes, this is a shout-out. You know who you are.) And cultivating gay-dar is equally important, because there is genuine heartbreak to be experienced by girls who fall for gay guys (not my own experience, but I've seen some friends go through hell on that one). Plus, when she's at a convention in Vegas and 99.99% of the attendees are women but there's one gay guy who would make a great date for the rest of the conference, she'll find him easily. And she'll have more fun than anyone else. (That one is from experience.) (But I think I'll share all that advice a little later, like junior high or even maybe senior high. Fifth grade is a little young to start accumulating gays. Probably. Maybe I should ask around to see if that's too young.) Maybe I should just buy all the seasons of "Will and Grace" on DVD and watch them with her. That would drive the point home, right?

2. Every girl should have a great friend who "gets" her. (I think Susie has one already. She's lucky. And email and nationwide minutes make the distance from Memphis to Nashville not very long.)

3. Condition the ends, shampoo the roots. Unless your hair is curly like mine. Then condition all of it. And only shampoo when it's literally dirty.

4. Wear clothes that make you feel good. If you feel good, you probably look good. Or at least you look comfortable, which is almost the same thing. That being said, however, it's usually wise to overdress instead of underdress, especially if you aren't sure what to wear.

5. Be nice. There's little to be gained by catty behavior, even though girls seem to enjoy participating in it.

I'll add to this list periodically. And I'm taking suggestions for more items.

And in a stunning moment of irony

The hot librarian just gave me a prize.

Wait for it. It's awesome.

And because I'm so very surprised to have received this award, I'm going to have to wait a minute and maybe breathe into a paper bag before I can award it to anyone else. (Plus, hello! I read snark! Not nice!)

Okay, I'm feeling better, not quite so lightheaded. And maybe I'm ready to give some prizes.

First, I'd like to give this award to Sarah and Izzy because they were both so welcoming and nice to me at BlogHer. Nobody forced them to hang out with me but they did anyway, and that made me feel so happy and accepted.

I met Katherine at BlogHer for about 30 seconds, but I've been blogstalking her ever since, and I think it would be great fun to live in her house. Except I'd weigh about 30,000 pounds in a month because her cooking looks very delicious.

So there it is....me spreading the love. Or whatever. Please don't start singing or holding hands. Please.

Continuing Saga

Update.

Susie made her phone calls to invite friends yesterday, after I got home from work. I overheard her talking to the difficult friend, M_, and it sounded like a good, productive conversation.

After Craig got home from a meeting, the three of us talked about it, and she (distractedly - she was watching TV) told us what had happened.

Susie:
M_, I know this might hurt your feelings, but I have to say this. You know how you seem to have problems when you come to sleepovers? I want you to know that G_ is probably coming, and I know you and she argue a lot. If you can't handle it, maybe you should just come for the party and not the sleepover.

M_:
I can handle it.

Susie:
Okay then.

Obviously paraphrased.

The whole thing fascinates me, because while we did throw around a few ideas for how to handle this the night before, we never reached agreement as to the best way to proceed. And when we had that conversation, Susie told me that (a) she didn't think that was a conversation to have on the phone, and (b) she wanted me, and maybe M_'s mother, to be there.

Something changed overnight apparently, because she figured out how she was going to say it (I suspect she had written out some bullet points) and that it was going to be on the phone.

I'll update again, after the party, to let you know how it all works out.

Books, books, books

I used to read all the time. In the back seat of my parents' car, even driving through mountain ranges. In the bathtub. In bed. On a towel, sunbathing. Didn't really matter when. I loved reading.

As a newlywed, with a husband who frequently worked until close to midnight, I continued my love affair with books. I would get stuck on an author and read everything he or she wrote, and then feel a little let down when I realized that there were no more books. I'd find another author and the cycle would begin again.

There was a slight change, however, in my reading habits in 1996. That was the year we decided it was time to have a baby. Suddenly the novels were replaced by books about pregnancy, about infancy, about raising children. Looking back at my life eleven years ago, I quickly see that I was a one-trick pony. I ate, slept, breathed, and read nothing but procreation. Friends and family, I apologize. It must have been so tiresome!

After the baby was born, I continued to read nothing but books from the "Parenting" section, occasionally peppered with books about children's spiritual and moral development (I did, after all, work at a church). It just got worse during my second pregnancy, the culmination of which was intended to be my triumphant VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). The pregnancy and birth books were more strident, with a strong and deep message of feminism. The birth didn't work out the way I'd planned and hoped, but those books still helped me. I knew I had done all I could to control the outcome (which, in all honesty, is very little). I had not failed.

Balancing two children under two, however, meant that I needed to give something up. I don't remember it being a conscious choice, but I stopped reading. Mostly. With a few notable exceptions, like when I read three "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" novels in a day (the kids were sick and sleeping). When the Harry Potter bug finally bit, I was hooked, but would binge on those books, reading them ferociously until I was finished, then going weeks or months before picking up another book.

I joined Goodreads last week, and it's been interesting to think about those books. To consider my "leave of absence" from the reading community, as well as my underwhelming return. To look at my Amazon.com purchasing history and seeing very clearly what, and when, I was reading. It's a bit of a map of my intellectual life in the past few years. And it's definitely got a slant: most of the books are about food, cooking, chefs, or all of the above.

This summer, I've re-entered the world of novels. Fueled by my excitement over the final Harry Potter book's release, I've picked up a few other books (mostly to bide my time as I awaited HP, but then also to fill up time since I finished HP faster than I expected to), none of which are about food. Okay, the first is not a novel, and it's somewhat about food. But it's not about cooking, and it is more of a memoir than a foodie book. One was a book club pick, a book I never would have read on my own. Another was picked up at a book warehouse outlet store; I soldiered through it but it had rewarding moments. I just started this one, which I think is going to be lots of fun, a good summer read. My mom also sent a book by an author I like in the kids' suitcase. And the online book club is trying to decide what to read next.

Which means I've got August covered. I'm looking forward to what I find in September. So, be my friend on Goodreads. And tell me what you read this summer.

Perfunctory Pre-BlogHer Post

My poor blog has been neglected for several days. Honestly, weeks. I've been swamped at work and have been devoting more time to my physical self, leaving less time to write.


But there's another reason. I don't really have much to say these days.


Which is terrifying, really. I'm leaving, late tonight, for Chicago to attend a conference of women bloggers. Hopefully some of the bloggers I meet will stop by and read my musings. That awareness of audience (beyond my mom, my best friend, my brother, and a few other folks), however, has been crippling.


I've started at least five posts this week, only to delete them and walk away from the computer. This pressure to perform, it's horrible.


And totally self-inflicted.

But it's also telling. I have never fully embraced the title "mommy blogger," primarily because my children are older than the "typical" mommy blogger's children. But with the children out of my house for three weeks, it's apparent that I am, indeed, a mommy blogger. Because without them, I seem to have nothing to say.



And back to the actual event of BlogHer...I'm excited but more than a little apprehensive. So many women are arriving in Chicago today and will spend this evening together, bonding, having fun, creating and deepening relationships. I arrive Friday morning. I'm a bit worried that everyone will already have their bonding completed (and their hangovers well-earned), and I'll wander around being the odd girl out. If you're reading this and you're going to be there, please don't let that happen. I know quite a few of us bloggers have some level of social anxiety (hence, we blog), and I'm probably stewing over nothing. I promise I'll be lots of fun and you'll be glad you were nice to me. Plus, I'll be wearing the awesomest shirt ever in the history of shirts.

So, if you're a new reader, welcome. I hope you like it here. Leave me a comment so I can visit you, too.

Also appearing here

Because I feel like I'm watching my foodie self atrophy, I started this. If you want to eat what my family is eating on July 4, my plans are detailed. With recipes.

Please check it out and comment often!

Interviewed

Pam hit me with five questions. After reading her articulate responses to her five questions, I'm a bit concerned. But I'll give it a go.

1. What is the biggest parenting "mistake" you have ever made and how did you handle it after you realized it was a mistake?

Nice way to start off easy.

Upon pondering this question for the last three hours, I'm still at a loss. There are many little mistakes we make all the time. And some miscalculations wind up working out well. My biggest frustration is the television/computer/video game thing. We never set limits on their "screen" time when they were younger, and now it seems like it's too late to make stricter rules. I haven't figured out the right answer yet, but am very open to suggestions.

The other issue that I'm not sure how to resolve is my son's dependence on his sister. He's incredibly socially dependent on her. She's his best friend. He mopes when she's not around. And he has difficulty making and maintaining his own friendships. Honestly, he'd rather hang out with her (and her friends) than anyone else. This worked out great when the kids were preschoolers, but it's not working so well anymore, and it's likely to get ugly soon. She's becoming a full-on tween, and her little brother isn't completing her world by any means. Again, I'd love some help with this.

2. How did having children change your marriage? How do you and your husband deal with the stresses of everyday life with kids?

It cemented it. Without kids, we could have split up if the going got tough. Because there wouldn't have been major consequences. But now we have much more at stake, so we're both ready, willing, and able to do what it takes to make our marriage work.

Coping with stress? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha. Hmmm. I don't suppose that "drinking" is a good answer, right? We both exercise at least half an hour a day, and I don't hesitate to grab the dogs and their leashes and head outside if I need a break (from him OR from the kids). And I also clean the kitchen when I'm stressed. (I had a therapist recommend that one; it's much safer and healthier than throwing chairs.)

I wish I could say we have weekly date nights, but we don't. We get several weeks in the summer, however, and that sure helps. We get to act young and carefree. But we both really like the kids as much as we love them, and that makes life so much more pleasant.


3. Through the miracle of science, you can pick ONE attribute (kindness, toughness, pity, etc), and forever embed that attribute in your children. Please explain why they would be best served with this attribute all of their live vs all others.

Resourcefulness. It's so much more useful to be able to find/get/create what you need than to know everything. I'd rather have the skill of being able to locate useful information than a talent like a great memory or incredible intelligence. Because who cares if you remember the directions to some remote town in Alabama if you can just look it up online anyway?

4. You seem to be a very self-assured person. What childhood event(s) helped shape who you are today? Who was/were your role model(s)?

Moving around so much (Seven states, one other country, never staying somewhere more than 3 years) shaped who I am more than anything. I learned, quickly, how to size up a situation and see how I could fit. As a result, I have an easy time merging into groups. The downside is that I didn't get much practice in making relationships (friendships, especially) last more than a few years. I'm fortunate that I sorted it out, and I have a couple of good, long-term friends who mean the world to me. All that moving had another result: I committed myself to Memphis when I moved here, and I shall not be moved. I've lived here more than half my life and honestly cannot imagine living anywhere else. Despite its problems (and there are many), Memphis offers a quality of life that I really enjoy. Just enough cultural events, loads of diverse people, plenty of great food, and easy-to-navigate. Perfect.

Role models? My mom is an obvious one. While my lifestyle is quite different from hers when she was in the same stage of parenting, her values and mine are very similar. She sowed seeds of peacemaking and strong family loyalty, which I try to bring to fruit in my own family.

But there were other important adults. A few teachers stand out as being influential. A few of my parents' friends. People from church. And I keep meeting more.

5. If you could sit across from G.W. Bush and have a "conversation" with him, what would you say? How do you think he would respond?

I doubt I could say anything that would make sense to him. But if I could give him a magic pill that would open (and strengthen) his mind sufficiently to comprehend my point of view, I'd tell him what I most firmly believe: all our policy, all our actions, all we do, must pass the test. "Will it help the children of our world, or will it hurt them?" I daresay that much of the current administration's "accomplishments" would not pass that test. And his response? Have you read The Bush Dyslexicon? 'Nuff said.


Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Blog-on-Blog Action....gettin' meta

Since I really, honestly can't think of anything to write about, I surfed over to BlogRhet and tagged myself to play along with their thinky meme.


Your mission: Give one or more these questions a stab in a post (or series of posts), and then tag three more writers. If you don't mind, please link back to this original entry—we'd LOVE to track the progress of this meme with trackbacks.


1. Go back to first or early post. How would you describe your voice back in those early days?Who were you writing to? What was your sense of audience (if any) back then?


Y'know, I think I had some unrealistic expectations about this whole blogging thing, which stem from my lack of understanding of how internet traffic works. Truly, I figured many, many people would almost immediately find my blog and would be reading it from day one. The reality check came quickly.


2. Do you remember when you received your first comment? What was it like?


I just went back and looked. The first comment was on a dumb quiz that I posted my results, and the commenter is nobody I knew. I'm sure I was excited to know that someone had found my blog, though.


3. Can you point to a stage where you began to feel that your blog might be part of a conversation? Where you might be part of a larger community of interacting writers?

Joining up with other Unitarian Universalist bloggers (via uupdates) definitely hit that point home. Many of the bloggers in that network toss topics around, sometimes "officially" in a carnival, but sometimes unofficially as well. Unlike some of the other carnivals I've participated in, the UU bloggers seem to be responding to each other's posts and building from each other's ideas. The first time I played along was in a conversation about pop culture and UU, which have a tense, at best relationship at times. It was refreshing to learn that as a person who loves to wallow in the muck of reality TV, I'm not even close to alone in the intellectual, high-thinking world of UU.

Another time that made me feel like part of a greater writing community was when Melissa Summers of Suburban Bliss was on the Today Show and had the rug pulled out from under her. The "mommyblogger" community rallied to her side, and even my mom had an opinion!

4. Do you think that this sense of audience or community might have affected the way you began to write?

Not so much. I've tried to be conversational and authentic in my writing from the beginning. My best friend since high school reads, as well as my mother, and they agree that I'm not putting on a show.

However, what I write may have been affected. Because much as my mom and my friend may think what I had for lunch is fascinating, I know that the intarweb is not so interested in minutiae. Or at least not that kind of minutiae. I've tried to write about small moments that mattered. And a few big moments as well.

I've covered a few basic "themes" in my blog, which is rapidly approaching its first birthday. I've written, at length, about important friendships in my life. I detailed each of my children's birth stories. I've talked about career highs and lows, about health problems and money.

But my favorite posts are the ones that seem to come out of nowhere. When I'm writing only because I promised myself to write everyday (with weekends off, if I choose), and nothing seems to be coming, and then it all bubbles forth. When the subject veers to a new path and gets to a point of clarity, of reflection. I wish I could say that my writing is like that every time, but it often isn't. It's sometimes forced. And I usually just post a meme if I'm really stuck.

Which is why I started this. But the bubbles broke forth a bit. Hopefully they'll keep fizzing.