Shaq must be the next James Bond. (from Poppy Z. Brite)

If you think it's a good idea, pass it on; turn it into a meme (I don't mean a survey, but an actual, self-replicating meme); infect the world with it. And make it happen.The idea is this:

Shaq must be the next James Bond.

We're going public with this because of the recent talk about Puff Daddy, or P. Diddy, or Diddy, or whatever his name is this week, wanting to be the first black James Bond. This must not be allowed to happen. Diddy is handsome, all right, but there's no evidence that he can act and, due to the unfortunate societal mindset that there can only be one black element in a traditionally white idiom (e.g. newspaper funnypages featuring either "Curtis" or "Boondocks" but seldom both, even though the two strips are totally dissimilar), his likely-inept performance will spoil any chances of there being a second black Bond for ages and ages.

Here's why Shaq must be the first:

- He has natural acting ability, as anyone who's seen him flop can attest to. And he's not as conventionally handsome as P.D., but he has that killer smile.

- He's incredibly charismatic. People who didn't like the Lakers, people who don't like the Miami Heat, people who don't even like basketball like Shaq.

- He's already interested in law enforcement and high-tech gadgets.

- Literally and figuratively, he is a larger-than-life figure who transcends race. Most people of any race who hear of this brilliant casting move won't think "black James Bond" first; they'll think "SHAQ James Bond."

- He's probably going to retire next year and will need a new job.

- He's one of the coolest people in the world, just like James Bond.

- Even I, with my ignorance and general dislike of movies, know that the current Bond sucks and is hated by all hardcore James Bond fans.The only real drawback I can see is that it will be hard to find a stunt double for him, but surely that can be overcome.

Shaq as James Bond. Think about it. If you like Shaq or James Bond, I think you'll see the beauty of it. If so, spread the word. You never know ... like Tinkerbell or that giant oyster-thing in Robert Arthur's "Do You Believe In Ghosts?", if enough people have faith in it, maybe it will come true.