Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Two of five

Second in a series of five, I'm answering another of Slouching Mom's questions.

Did you ever consider having a third child? Why or why not?

Yes and no.

During my second pregnancy, I was working through a lot of self-created angst about my prior c-section. The plan for the second birth was a VBAC homebirth, but I knew that things may not work the way I wanted. Add to the equation that I was fully convinced that I was pregnant with a girl. I had imagined a family in which I was the mom of four girls for quite some time.

I had drawn a line in the sand, however, with c-sections. I was unwilling to have more than two. Which meant that if the second birth wound up being a c-section, I'd be done, because that almost decreed that my subsequent births would also be surgical.

Long story short, the ultrasound told us, in no uncertain terms, that this baby was definitely a boy. And I had a c-section. So at that point, there were no plans to have another child. When a friend's child was diagnosed with a truly frightening heart defect just a year later, we were even more certain that our family was complete. Craig was truly afraid to tempt fate, knowing that we had two healthy and wonderful children. What if the third child had problems?

A year after that, we had a pregnancy scare. My period was two weeks late (which had only happened when I was pregnant, and has never happened since) and I'm pretty sure that EPT stock went through the roof that week. Each test said no, but I was sure that I was pregnant and that the tests were wrong or defective. And I didn't think it was a bad thing at all. I had good health insurance and had earned enough time off that maternity leave would be okay. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was delighted at the thought of being pregnant, but I wasn't horrified. But then I finally got my period and was stunned by how happy I was. All thoughts of another child were immediately replaced by the thrill my heart felt when I said the word vasectomy.

The best part of this story is that neither of us have had any regrets. We are all very happy with the size of our family. I have two fantastic children, each very different from the other yet so very related. We all fit easily in our house. I look at family and friends with babies or little kids, and I don't envy them. Because it's so much more fun to ride the big roller coasters with the big kids.


Kristabella said...

O.M.G. Did you ride that ride?

Because as I was standing in line with my 5-year old nephew for the KIDDIE ride, we saw that monster in action. And I? Never want to be part of that mess. Evah.

And also, with two kids? There is no middle child. Who has to go all Jan Brady on everyone. Because woe is me.

(Yes, I'm the middle child.)

Kaleigh said...

Yep, I rode it with both kids. You can see my hair, actually...I'm like fourth from the left on the second row. You see red...that's my hair!

Valerie said...

The only kids I have are my twin sons. At one time, I wanted another one, but it wasn't in the cards for my husband and me. I think I would have had a much harder time getting dealing with his illness and death if I'd had a toddler to take care of, too. (My boys were nine then, and it was still tough.)

And what's the stat on American families? 2.2 kids? Has that changed? So, we're normal.

Recently, I was presented with a different perspective. My boyfriend's cousin lost her brother in a car accident when he was in his early 20s. She currently has two girls and wants to have another one, specifically so that if anything happens to one of her kids, the other one won't be left with no siblings.

Ultimately, none of us can predict the future, but our past experiences definitely shape the way we feel about these things, don't they?

slouching mom said...

Funny, I've had two C-sections too. Which would mean a third, and that to me is just icky.

I agree.

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